Part 1 of my (possible) pregnancy “journey”

Now if your up to date with my other blog posts , you will be in the know about my current situation. Short catch up for those who don’t know…

  • I have stress/anxiety triggered IBS
  • I have a vomit phobia
  • I have panic attacks and general anxiety
  • I haven’t left my home town in years
  • Most days I don’t leave the house
  • Last year I had a “missed” miscarriage and suffered with depression afterwards

So … now that’s out the way I can get on with the “why” I’m writing this today.

I tentatively agreed with my husband to start trying again after a break and iv got a sneaking suspicion I’m pregnant. I’d only be 1-2 weeks gone but I feel so terrible

The last 2 days I have felt so sick which has triggered my anxiety attacks and stopped me from sleeping . Iv also had to call in sick to work . As soon as I stand up and walk around , I start to feel queasy again. I can’t face eating a proper meal but need to snack on something bland like crackers, bread sticks, pasta or plain rice .

Today I woke up shaking all over and feeling terribly nauseous but I had a photo shoot to host for my dance school children and I had to be active, animated and on form as well as making sure the 4.5 hour shoot ran on time. I felt so sick and so anxious all day . It was really tough on me. I can’t home after the shoot needing to try and eat something and in need of a nap. So I ate a gluten free pasta meal and rested on the sofa. I had work at 7pm -10pm at the pub. I thought ,

“Well , it’s only a 3 hour shift and I called in sick yesterday so I really should go in if I could”. So I had a nap then woke up at around 5pm , had toast with jam and butter then pulled my self to go into work.

After an hour at work I started to feel terrible again , exhausted and so nauseous I had to leave. I got home and sat down sipping water and feeling shaky. But I definitely felt better for being at home, sitting down and nibbling bread sticks . Then I had some oven fries , then more bread sticks.

I must be pregnant!! Right now I’m sat down stairs on the sofa, watching tv , trying to stay calm whilst feeling badly nauseous and panicking. I do need to sleep but feel to rough to relax . I’m snaking on plain rice in the hope it helps settle my stomach. If I lay down , I feel worse.

So this might just be the start of my pregnancy journey. I won’t be able to take a reliable test for another week or so so I guess iv just got to try and stay sain until it either goes away or I find out I am actually pregnant.

Sadly I honestly don’t know if I actually do want to be pregnant! I’m not sure I’m ready and the state of my mental health will make a rough pregnancy 100 times worse as I over think everything and HELLO…. my worst phobia is being and feeling sick and what does pregnancy make you feel?? Exactly! It’s now 1am and I can’t sleep , I can’t lay down and I feel horrible

Wish me luck !

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